Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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