Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize