you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
