before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
