ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
