Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
