so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
