my mouth tastes like poor choices
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
