I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
