It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I understand Curling. That high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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