Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
