I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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