party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
