Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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