I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
