Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
