it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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