Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
