Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
