Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How does it feel to date your dad?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
