he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
