If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
