Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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