it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
