i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
