Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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