i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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