Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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