Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
