He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
