Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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