I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
