Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
