this boner is exhausting
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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