STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
