He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
