I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
