we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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