I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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