I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
