Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
