If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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