During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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