His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the condom got lost in my hair
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
