I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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