i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
