Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
