I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
