Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
