I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
