I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
