I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
