guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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