I am puke
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
