dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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