I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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