so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
