i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
