OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
