it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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