great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
