Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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