Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come share oat with me in your robe
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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