I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
