A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We are two peas in an std pod
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
