I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize