your room smells of hookers.
And success
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
