Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
