so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
