Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had sex on a roof
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
