Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
