I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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