I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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